10.11.2010

The Housewife Hooker

Every now and then I get together with my best-friend Mommy Ventura for play dates. 

Mommy Ventura gets her name because of her twelve cats, three dogs, two raccoons and baby girl, all of which (except the baby girl) were collected as a result of her work as a “pet detective.”  Yes, she literally scours the city in a creepy windowless van, solving pet related crimes.

MV and I have been friends for over 15 years.  I laughed alongside her as she told every teacher to bite her, and she coached me through every break up and guy conundrum I’ve ever had.  (“Are you sure it was he who peed in your bed?”  “Yes, I’m 100% sure.”)

We know everything about each other.  And when I say everything, I really do mean everything.

So it isn’t a huge surprise when she tells me her latest confession.

“I’m a housewife hooker.”

“I see. Go on.”  I say, already thankful the conversation is moving beyond children.  Some moms love talking about their babies for hours on end, while I think there is nothing more boring. (“He fell asleep at eight, woke briefly at nine, then slept until two and wanted to eat, then fussed for a bit…” See what I mean?)

“It’s nearly impossible to get Poppa Ventura to do things around the house,” says MV.  “He just sits around playing video games and doesn’t help with the chores.  Well, not unless I resort to offering… rewards,” she explains sheepishly.

“Mm hmm, I see.” I try to put on my best head doctor voice. “And how does this make you feel?”

“Dirty, used – but it’s the only thing that works? Do you think it’s wrong?”

I consider toying with her for a bit, before deciding against it.  She’s got too much dirt on me.

“Nah.  We’ve all turned tricks from time to time.”

Well, at least I know I have.  How else could my addiction to handbags survive my decision to have a joint checking account with the cheapest man on earth?  A girl needs to shop, now doesn’t she? 

MV is relieved and we move on to other things – namely how much our husbands irritate us.

All in all, it is a very satisfying play date.

Namaste,
-MM

12 comments:

  1. You do whatcha gotta do! And wow you have a friend that is a pet detective. Very cool!

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  2. Hmmm I pull the same thing but its always to get our lawn mowed. Why the man can't see the weeds taller than him just because they are along the fence line is beyond me.

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  3. best play date ever! I love her!

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  4. Found you on Babycenter. Great blog! I am now following. Please check out my blog!

    Crystal
    kennedymomandwife.blogspot.com

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  5. Visit and Follow From BFF(BlogFrog Friends).
    would be nice to get visit and follow back.
    Have a nice day.
    Nan
    http://beonefineday.blogspot.com
    http://qualitytime-nan.blogspot.com

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  6. Hahaha! That is awesome and so true! ;-)

    New follower from the Tuesday Train!

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  7. Hi - Just found you through the blog hop - I'm Michelle @ Things Sent My Way (www.thingssentmyway.com) and it's good to follow you!

    We have to do what we have to do! It's ok!

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  8. Guess we've all had to pimp ourselves out a time or two...being married to Muf (Mr Unfun) and his tighten the belt mantra has had me digging out the platforms more than once.

    Hopping in for Tuesday blog hops...following you now.
    http//closertolucy.blogspot.com

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  9. LOL! We all become hookers from time to time.

    Thanks for joining the Train ride today. Have a wonderful week!

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  10. Nah, I don't consider that being a housewife hooker. It's really more like positive reinforcement. ;)

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  11. I GUESS U ARE JUST A BIT TOO MUCH.FANTASIES FOR THE HANDBAGS,PET DETECTIVE FRIEND ALLIS THIS TOO MUCH....

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  12. Its true and we all know it...maybe hard to admit though. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog!

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